Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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