In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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