So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
