Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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