I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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