I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
