So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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