Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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