I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
