Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize