I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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