Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
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Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
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That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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