I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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