Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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