Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
