I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
