Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
