he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
