finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
