Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
