So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
