it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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