And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
