So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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