Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
