My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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