Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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