I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
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I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
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If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize