Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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