I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
