Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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