Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
