R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
