my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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