Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
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The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
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Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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