I am puke
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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