Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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