dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
