I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
