Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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