R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Randomize
