im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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