My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
