yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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