I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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