If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
