she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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