I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
the liver wants what the liver wants
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
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