That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
