you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
