I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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