The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just gift wrapped bread.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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