I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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