it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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