The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
