No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
