Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
