Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
