I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
