Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
