I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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