is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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