the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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