Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
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Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
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I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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