I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.