Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
only you would photoshop your dick
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...