Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating