I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
