Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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