people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
