If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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