My friends, they love my intelligence
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
