Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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