I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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