Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Holy shit dude........stairs
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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