Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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