i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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