i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
