I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
