i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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