The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
