Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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