ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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