no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
