how can u be prego again
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
