There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
